I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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