chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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