don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
