Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
