Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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