im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
