lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I don't deserve a penis
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
