My liver just broke up with me...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
