Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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