All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
