How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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