and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
