I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
