I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
