Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
