Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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