1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So squirting runs in the family.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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