I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
