Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
