WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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