Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
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