The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
