i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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