have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
