new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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