I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
