I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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