At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
