I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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