were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
