Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
