if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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