I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
