Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
