I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
