i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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