i think my mom watched the whole time
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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