Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
