I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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