I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
