Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
