You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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