I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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