I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
