Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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