My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
