What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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