All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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