Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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