just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
