Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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