You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
